1/01/06

The Devil’s Playthings (1974. German. Retro Shock-O-Rama/EI. Directed by Joe Sarno. Widescreen. Mono. Extras: Documentary Joe Sarno A Touch Of Horror and trailers.): What we have here is the “horror edit” of Joe Sarno’s sexy 1974 vampire film Vampire Ecstasy. Don’t worry, it’s still got plenty of erotic situations and loads of nudity. The film is set in a 1934 German castle, which was originally owned by a vampire, Baroness Varga. She was executed for her insatiable lust for the blood of young girls. She said she would return one day--and that time has finally come. Some unfortunate visitors are soon to learn that the house keeper and all the servants are actually Varga’s followers who are keeping the spirit of the vampire alive with a colorful assortment of sex rituals. One of the guests will be chosen to be the vessel for the Baroness. The gothic sets, vampire theme, and lots of lovely young actresses stark naked will remind many of Jean Rollin’s work. The biggest hurdle is listening to the actors speak. Joe Sarno had the German cast speak in English (obviously not their first language). At best, the lines sound wooden--at its worst, they mumble more than Lina Romay in a Jess Franco movie. This is a very small complaint as The Devil’s Playthings is a delightful slice of erotic horror from the master Joe Sarno. Joe Sarno fans will also enjoy the extra Joe Sarno A Touch Of Horror.

Don’t Go In The House (1980. USA. Shriek Show. Directed by Joseph Ellison. Cast: Dan Grimaldi, Robert Osth, Ruth Dardick, and Charlie Bonet. Widescreen. Stereo. 82 minutes. Extras: Interview and commentary track with Dan Grimaldi. Trailers).: This nasty little film has built a well deserved cult following. Little Donald Kohler (Dan Grimaldi of The Sopranos) had a very sick mother who used to burn him when he was “naughty.” Now grown up he’s obviously not dealing with a full deck (no big surprise). Once mom passes away, he’s able to finally be free. What does he do with his new freedom? He picks up girls and brings them back to his house to burn alive! Sick little slasher film that would never get made in today’s PC society (does that mean we’ll be spared a remake?). Some grisly executions, creepy locations, and intense acting from Dan Grimaldi.

Oldboy (2005. Korea. Tartan. Directed by Park Shanwook. Cast: Choi Min-Sik, Yoo Ji-Tae, Gang Hye-Jung. Widescreen. 5.1 Korean audio with English subs or 5.1 English dub. 120 minutes. Extras: Interview with director, director and cinematographer’s commentary, deleted scenes, and photo gallery): Oh Dae-su is a businessman who should’ve gone straight home from work to celebrate his daughter’s birthday. Instead he went out for a few too many drinks. He’s picked up and incarcerated in a private prison. For fifteen years, he’s locked away--never seeing or talking to anyone. His life is completely ruined. Suddenly he’s freed and it’s his mission to find his captor and get revenge. Little does he know that this is all part of his enemy’s master plan. Oldboy is dark, depressing, and more than a little disturbing (especially its ending). It’s also beautifully shot, well written, has tight direction, and sports a talented cast. Oldboy is easily one of 2005’s best films. This DVD is another example of why Tartan is one of the best sources for uncompromising Asian movies.

The Witches Of Breastwick (2005. USA. Seduction Cinema/EI). Directed by H.R. Blueberry. Cast: Monique Parent, Julie K. Smith, Stormy Daniels, and Glori-Anne Gilbert. Widescreen. Stereo. Extras: Commentary by Blueberry and Glori-Anne Gilbert, A Taste Of Retro peep show, trailers, and bonus feature film Vampire Call Girls): More sexy fun from writer/director Jim Wynorski, I mean H.R. Blueberry. A man, David, is having a recurring dream of these very sexy women having sex with him--only to slaughter him in the end. Disturbed by this, David and his wife (VC favorite Monique Parent) locate the house in his dreams, where three beautiful, but strange, ladies live. Surprise, they’re the same ones he dreams about. By this point, one might say, who cares. I’ll tell you who should care, anyone who appreciates beautiful and sexy actresses. We’ve already mentioned Monique Parent. Now add to the mix the three witches played by Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie K. Smith, and XXX goddess Stormy Daniels. Wow! The near non-stop softcore sex is hot, making The Witches Of Breastwick much better than it deserves to be. Hey, Oldboy might be better (it is) but this will probably spend more time in the DVD player. Unfortunately, the bonus feature Vampire Call Girls (also starring Glori-Anne Gilbert) isn’t nearly as interesting. Great job Mr. Wynorski, I mean Blueberry.

Promos for review should be sent to Chip Lamey c/o Video Crypt, P.O. Box 54, Stone Harbor, N.J. 08247.